Ease On Down The Road

Had outpatient surgery #2 yesterday (not serious), and am not feeling up to a whole post. 

Flying high on legal drugs post-op.  My MD "dusted and cleaned" both legs yesterday, like he did on December 11.  So I will leave you with these images:

Look What I Got!

First, a surprise prize from everybody's fave commenter, Duchess Deedles!

The rainbow unicorn can koozies say I'm Fucking Magical!

The rainbow unicorn coffee mug says

 Back the fuck up

 sparkle tits

 today is not the day

I will shank you

with my horn 

Sounds like me, amirite?

Second, my first COVID vax!

My county held a vax clinic at the local high school yesterday and I was able to snag an appointment.  VERY WELL ORGANIZED they were; cops at the front door checking IDs and masks, no mask no entry.  30 minutes tops from arrival to departure.  My left arm feels fine, but the vax made me ultra sleepy.  I get the second dose in April.

Saturday Night Cancer Survivor Dance Party!

This is how I am feeling right now. 

Dance like no one's watching.

Sing like no one's listening.

Let's celebrate my 30th second birthday (June 21).  Thirty years ago, I was operated on for a cancer that was going to kill me.  FUCK YOU, CANCER!  I got a second chance at life!  Take no prisoners, damn the torpedoes, kick major ass, full speed ahead!

LET'S DANCE TO HITS FROM 1989!

First up though, my personal fight/theme song from that year:

Why The Saturday Night Dance Party Post Was Delayed - UPDATED

Here are some clues to my strange weekend; see if you can figure it out.

Now proceed directly to spouse's blog for the answer.

BTW, my nurse is at the ready to help me get well.

UPDATE - go here to read the rest of the story!

Things That Suck For $1000, Alex

1.  My baseball team finished in 4th place at 73-89.  Congrats to all the other teams (EVEN CLEVELAND!) headed to the playoffs.  Just wait til next year!  I am now going into hibernation til mid-February (sports-wise, that is).

2.  I was hacking my lungs out this morning, so spouse suggested going to the brand-new urgent care neighborhood clinic.  Had a breath test, chest x-ray, and EKG.  Diagnosis - walking pneumonia.  Shit.  Have 2 drugs to take over a 10-day course.  AND I gotta see my primary care MD this week for a follow-up.  Cost for all this?  $20.  Currently sitting on the couch under a comforter cause I am freezing.  UPDATE: spouse went to the clinic today; three guesses as to his diagnosis.  yep, he's on the same meds as me.  BOTH of us have pneumonia.  FML

3.  AND I fucking have to go to work tomorrow - end of month & quarter.  This thought blows goats.  UPDATE: I called out sick.  No energy, no sleep, pounding headache, no appetite.

4.  It was a nice day today; too bad I could not go outside and enjoy it.

5.  The US Congress.  Fuck them all.

6.  I have no mojo to do anything - laundry, knitting, reading, baking.  I DID make a quiche for breakfast this morning though.

7.  Winter holiday ads/catalogs/promotions.  FOADIAFF.

8.  No appetite for food, other than the quiche and cawfee I had for breakfast.  And my boyfriends KNOW I like to eat!

9.  The days are getting shorter and shorter; by 7p it's dark.  This also blows goats.

10.  Spending $1000 on my car to pass inspection/get it through the winter months.

Good News, Bad News, and Just Plain Ugly

So, I went to my primary care doctor on Wednesday ($40 upfront).

 

The good news is: I DO NOT have degenerative rheumatoid arthritis (RA).  shakes her big booty

The bad news is: I DO have degenerative osteo arthritis (OA).  again shakes her big booty; I am still a degenerate!  oh happy day!

 

The RA diagnosis came from someone at the imaging center.  The primary care doctor said wrong! diagnosis!, but the methods for dealing with OA are the same as for RA.

 

The x-rays cost me $53; they were not free; I just received a bill in yesterday's mail. Bummer!  Oh well, better to pay $53 than $500 (the actual cost billed to my insurance company).

Next step: a return visit to the primary care doctor ($40 upfront) to discuss nutrition, exercise, vitamins on 8/24.

 

More good news: I don't need to see a specialist, or take strong drugs.  I can take an 800 mg ibuprofen if/when I need to, but I have not had pain for over 3 weeks now.  And I did some kickass leg exercises last night at the gym; lifting between 30-70 pounds on various machines.

Now for the just plain ugly.

Ann Romney says that she and Mittens "have nothing to hide" when it comes to their paying their fair share of taxes.  Oh yeah?  Well, put up or shut up, bitch; if you have nothing to hide, release your tax returns!  Obama is ready to release his; whatsa matter, Mittens?  Caught in another lie?  OH SNAP!

Mittens AND Obama - I would like to see you two talk about something other than Mittens' dog or Obama's birthplace.  How about THE ECONOMY?  It still sucks; I can tell by the orders that come into our company (80% foreign, 20% US).

 

Thanks, PA State Legislature, for telling 1M of my fellow citizens that they cannot exercise their right to vote in November unless they show an approved photo ID. I am personally going to refuse to show mine; I have been going to the same polling place for 12 years.  FUCK YOU X INFINITY, you sanctimonious assholes!

 

To the people who look down on me cause I have never had a child/been pregnant: guess what - parenting IS NOT for everybody!  And is that your little bratley running around screaming like someone is waterboarding him cause he didn't get a cookie/cereal/toy/ice cream/whatever?  Uh, yeah, no thanks; my life is 100 times better than yours.  You ain't gonna get any sympathy from me when your pwecious schnowflayke throws a temper tantrum in the grocery store; I WILL give you a big old stinkeye though, and recommend some duct tape and a ball gag and a leash.

 

Someone wrote these words last evening on my knitting social website: "Bigotry wrapped in prayer and the flag is still bigotry."  RIGHT ON, bro!

Can we PLEASE dispense with the religious angle on anything and everything?  It disenfranchises me.

Hope all my boyfriends have a great weekend!  Don't do anything I wouldn't do!  ::shifty eyes::

Why I Go to the Gym (Part 2)

(continued)

 

So (to recap), after going to the gym for a year, I lost 30 pounds and dropped 4% of my body fat.  I can see biceps.  I can feel my back moving.  My knees don't crack as much.  I am stronger and more flexible.  And I even pushed 145 pounds on the back extension machine tonight!  YAYZ!  :)  A new record for me!

 

But now I have an even more important reason to visit the gym.

The week of July 9, I woke up one morning and could not move; the entire right side of my body from hip to toes was in pain.  I could not walk/stand/sit comfortably.  I have never felt pain like that, even during my cancer surgery/recovery.

Knowing I was visiting sassybear the following week, I immediately went to the primary care doctor ($40 upfront).  She gave me a prescription for 800 mg ibuprofen (for pain) and a script for some x-rays (free) at a local imaging facility.  That was pretty cool; lie down on the table and the machine does the rest.  Six x-rays of my entire right side were made.

Diagnosis: degenerative rheumatoid arthritis (RA).

Now, I don’t mind being called a degenerate, but I am NOT fond of being told I have RA.  No cure, can be pain managed with medication/exercise/diet.  I see my primary care doctor (another $40 upfront) tomorrow for further discussion/questions/do I see a specialist/HALP!

I am armed with paperwork to get my questions answered.  I have also done some research, but with the internet, you never know how reliable the information is.

I also have the knowledge of a friend in Massachusetts who is also afflicted with RA (she is much younger than I and has other health complications besides the RA).

So far, I have learned that:

(1) RA is an autoimmune disease; my body is eating itself (oh yeah, start the double entendres here!) on my joint linings.  Hope they are tasty; do they come in chocolate flavor!?!

(2) Exercise is VERY important, as are multivitamins containing Vitamin D, magnesium, and B-complex.  Weight loss removes additional joint stress.  My gym trainers have been made aware of what is happening and are ready to work with me.

So why am I telling you all this?  Certainly NOT for sympathy; if I beat cancer, I can kick RA's ass too!  But perhaps you know someone, or yourself, who is also coping with this condition.  As with anything, the more you talk about it, the more understanding can commence.

I just KNOW I will have more to say about RA.

Until then, I will leave you with my cancer fight song; it's adaptable to RA also!

 

 

 

 

Why I Go to the Gym (Part 1)

Yeah...so, June 2011 (flashback, cue the fog and dreamy music).

My weight was at an all time high (no, I will NOT mention it, TYVM), my back and knees were killing me, I was constantly using a heating pad on my back, I had difficulty getting upstairs in my house/elsewhere.

A new gym opened in my ‘hood 02/11.  They sent me a card for a complimentary tour.  I went to an open house and the owner himself took me around and introduced me to the personal training staff (I expressed an interest in that, since all those machines and weights and and and were just intimidating).  I signed a contract that day for 3x/week training.  WTF did I get myself into?  I had never done anything like this in my life!

6/7/11 was my first session.  Weight and measurements and BMI were taken (no, I will NOT mention them, TYVM).  2 minutes on the treadmill at zero incline at 1.0 speed for 2 minutes – THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE, PEOPLE!  3 pound smartbells were heavy as lead in my hands.  And those machines – OMFG!  1/2 hour of torture!  Again, WTF did I get myself into?

It helped that my trainer was 20 years old, studying exercise/physical therapy/kinesiology in college.  AND OMFG HAWT LOOKING (read: hairy bear type, although he is str8).

And it helped that I saw other people in the gym WHO LOOKED JUST LIKE ME!  This was no “skinny white people only” place; everyone was welcomed with the same kindness.  VERY important in my book!

Cripes, I could not MOVE the next day.  Every muscle/body part ached like a mofo, like I had been kicked by a mule.  The only one who knew why I was sore was spouse.  I told no one what I was doing because (1) I didn’t know whether I would drop out quickly and (2) I didn’t wanna be nagged (how’s it going?  are you still exercising?  etc.).  And spouse knows better to NOT nag me (wink wink nudge nudge).

6/9/11 was session #2.  I told hawt trainer that I hated him because he made me ouchie all over.  His response was, “Good, my evil plan is working, bwhahahahaha!”  I told him to fuck off; he pushed me to the treadmill.

(Fast forward to the present, drop the fog and dreamy music).

So today.  I actually look forward to my Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday gym time.  I signed up for another year.  I have a different trainer for each day; hawt trainer was promoted within the company, but I still get to see him.  My 3 trainers believe in me.  And I believe in myself.

I can lift heavier weights because I am stronger and more flexible.  135 pounds on the back extension machine is nothing; 50 pound standing ab crunches is routine.

And now I have an even more important reason to visit the gym.

(to be continued)