Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The Anti-Rethuglican Convention

Since all of us are NOT watching the anti-everything white male parade of fools in FL, let's have some fun on our own.

I heard this song on my way to the gym tonight:

Leg work with my trainer; hurts so good.

While doing my thing, I got to watch:

Those were the days!

And many snarky remarks were traded between us whilst this one played:

Paula Abdul choreography, YO!

Speaking of Miss Paula:

I'm forever your girl, boyfriends!

This girl is playing in my town tonight:

Get up on the dance floor!

I think we are having a much better party, don't you?  And there are no h8ers here!  And all the snacks are healthy!

What else can we do?  I know:


And to wind this little shindig down:

Last dance tonight, yeah yeah yeah!

Smooches! :)

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Saturday Night Dance Party!

This is how I am feeling right now.

Dance like no one's watching.

Sing like no one's listening.

"Somebody's Watching Me" - you all are and you know it!

ETA - the chorus singer is Michael Jackson; Rockwell is actually a pseudonym; Rockwell's half-brother and nephew comprise the current group LMFAO.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Brain Puke

Lots o shit swirling around in the toilet bowl that is my brain.  Let's capture some of it here.

Just when I thought the redumblican party could not sink any further than a snake's belly in mud comes candidate Todd Akin and his "thoughts on rape".  And that's NOT "men on film"!

Would someone please 'splain to me why Jim Crow is still alive and well?

So there's a tropical storm looking down on Tampa next week.  Karma's a bitch, ain't it, Pat Robertson?

In my next life, I wanna come back as a pampered pussy(cat), like my Meredith.

Why do men say they "understand women", when it's clear they don't every time they open their pieholes?  Hell, sometimes I don't even understand myself!

I am not wearing any pants right now and it feels great!

I get to visit some boyfriends next month!  YAYZ!

Why does the town where I work house nothing but freaks?

If FL is "dog's waiting room" to the "afterlife", then PA must be the holding cell.

A knitting friend of mine in OH posted this morning: “I think I’m going to start charging rent on all the Republicans trying to move into my vagina. It would really help me out with the bills.”  ba dum ching!

Another knitting friend in OH posted this morning: "Yesterday I saw a billboard that said 'Obama is in favor of Gay Marriage and Abortion, are you?'  HELL YES!"  To which I add MEE TOO!

I now have 14 blog followers; you boyfriends are crayzee, but I love you all!

I have two pink flamingos in my back yard.  They are handmade from wood by my SIL's aunt.  (heh heh heh, I said "wood")

I wish I could dance like they do in Dirty Dancing.  Or Footloose.  Or Saturday Night Fever.  Or Flashdance.

Speaking of dancing, happy 100th birthday to Gene Kelly; think I'll watch An American in Paris today!

My baseball team's 2012 season is brain dead; someone please pull the plug and turn off the lights!

If I could have anything I wanted to eat right now, it would be a triple vanilla malted milkshake.  My ass just gained 5 pounds hearing those words.

How come some bars make an oh-so-sweet cosmo, and others fall flat on their ass?  Perhaps those bars should take lessons from sassybear.

I have always wanted (from the time I was a teenager) to divest myself of 98% of the shit I have (house, car, junk, etc.), buy a small RV, and roam the countryside working only when I have to.

I think it's time to pull the plug on the knitting group I founded 7.5 years ago.  I am fucking bored with it.

Wonder what's around the next bend in the road?

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Saturday Night Dance Party!

This is how I am feeling right now.

Dance like no one's watching.

Sing like no one's listening.

"Roam" - and I have been roaming to see some of my boyfriends this summer!  Up next month: cubby!

Friday, August 17, 2012

Good News, Bad News, and Just Plain Ugly

So, I went to my primary care doctor on Wednesday ($40 upfront).
The good news is: I DO NOT have degenerative rheumatoid arthritis (RA).  shakes her big booty

The bad news is: I DO have degenerative osteo arthritis (OA).  again shakes her big booty; I am still a degenerate!  oh happy day!
The RA diagnosis came from someone at the imaging center.  The primary care doctor said wrong! diagnosis!, but the methods for dealing with OA are the same as for RA.
The x-rays cost me $53; they were not free; I just received a bill in yesterday's mail. Bummer!  Oh well, better to pay $53 than $500 (the actual cost billed to my insurance company).

Next step: a return visit to the primary care doctor ($40 upfront) to discuss nutrition, exercise, vitamins on 8/24.
More good news: I don't need to see a specialist, or take strong drugs.  I can take an 800 mg ibuprofen if/when I need to, but I have not had pain for over 3 weeks now.  And I did some kickass leg exercises last night at the gym; lifting between 30-70 pounds on various machines.

Now for the just plain ugly.

Ann Romney says that she and Mittens "have nothing to hide" when it comes to their paying their fair share of taxes.  Oh yeah?  Well, put up or shut up, bitch; if you have nothing to hide, release your tax returns!  Obama is ready to release his; whatsa matter, Mittens?  Caught in another lie?  OH SNAP!

Mittens AND Obama - I would like to see you two talk about something other than Mittens' dog or Obama's birthplace.  How about THE ECONOMY?  It still sucks; I can tell by the orders that come into our company (80% foreign, 20% US).
Thanks, PA State Legislature, for telling 1M of my fellow citizens that they cannot exercise their right to vote in November unless they show an approved photo ID. I am personally going to refuse to show mine; I have been going to the same polling place for 12 years.  FUCK YOU X INFINITY, you sanctimonious assholes!
To the people who look down on me cause I have never had a child/been pregnant: guess what - parenting IS NOT for everybody!  And is that your little bratley running around screaming like someone is waterboarding him cause he didn't get a cookie/cereal/toy/ice cream/whatever?  Uh, yeah, no thanks; my life is 100 times better than yours.  You ain't gonna get any sympathy from me when your pwecious schnowflayke throws a temper tantrum in the grocery store; I WILL give you a big old stinkeye though, and recommend some duct tape and a ball gag and a leash.
Someone wrote these words last evening on my knitting social website: "Bigotry wrapped in prayer and the flag is still bigotry."  RIGHT ON, bro!

Can we PLEASE dispense with the religious angle on anything and everything?  It disenfranchises me.

Hope all my boyfriends have a great weekend!  Don't do anything I wouldn't do!  ::shifty eyes::

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Why I Go to the Gym (Part 2)

So (to recap), after going to the gym for a year, I lost 30 pounds and dropped 4% of my body fat.  I can see biceps.  I can feel my back moving.  My knees don't crack as much.  I am stronger and more flexible.  And I even pushed 145 pounds on the back extension machine tonight!  YAYZ!  :)  A new record for me!
But now I have an even more important reason to visit the gym.

The week of July 9, I woke up one morning and could not move; the entire right side of my body from hip to toes was in pain.  I could not walk/stand/sit comfortably.  I have never felt pain like that, even during my cancer surgery/recovery.

Knowing I was visiting sassybear the following week, I immediately went to the primary care doctor ($40 upfront).  She gave me a prescription for 800 mg ibuprofen (for pain) and a script for some x-rays (free) at a local imaging facility.  That was pretty cool; lie down on the table and the machine does the rest.  Six x-rays of my entire right side were made.

Diagnosis: degenerative rheumatoid arthritis (RA).

Now, I don’t mind being called a degenerate, but I am NOT fond of being told I have RA.  No cure, can be pain managed with medication/exercise/diet.  I see my primary care doctor (another $40 upfront) tomorrow for further discussion/questions/do I see a specialist/HALP!

I am armed with paperwork to get my questions answered.  I have also done some research, but with the internet, you never know how reliable the information is.

I also have the knowledge of a friend in Massachusetts who is also afflicted with RA (she is much younger than I and has other health complications besides the RA).

So far, I have learned that:

(1) RA is an autoimmune disease; my body is eating itself (oh yeah, start the double entendres here!) on my joint linings.  Hope they are tasty; do they come in chocolate flavor!?!

(2) Exercise is VERY important, as are multivitamins containing Vitamin D, magnesium, and B-complex.  Weight loss removes additional joint stress.  My gym trainers have been made aware of what is happening and are ready to work with me.

So why am I telling you all this?  Certainly NOT for sympathy; if I beat cancer, I can kick RA's ass too!  But perhaps you know someone, or yourself, who is also coping with this condition.  As with anything, the more you talk about it, the more understanding can commence.

I just KNOW I will have more to say about RA.

Until then, I will leave you with my cancer fight song; it's adaptable to RA also!


Saturday, August 11, 2012

Saturday Night Dance Party!

This is how I am feeling right now.

Dance like no one's watching.

Sing like no one's listening.

"Footloose"- paging Larry Craig to the white courtesy phone please!  (tee hee)

AND Kevin Bacon is a philly boy; his late father Edmund was a prominent city planner.  YO to my homeboy!

Beer Bread

(why did I just type the title as "beer bears", then "beer beard"?  I must have my boyfriends on my mind!)

this is for all my boyfriends who like to cook!  try this bread toasted for breakfast!

3 cups all-purpose flour
4 ½ teaspoons baking powder
1 ½ teaspoons salt
½ cup sugar
12 oz. room temperature (warm) beer; beer MUST be warm or the recipe will not work!
¼ cup cold milk

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Spray a 9 x 5 loaf pan with non-stick cooking spray.

Measure the flour, baking powder, salt, and sugar into a mixing bowl.

Add the beer and milk to the dry ingredients and mix very well (batter will be thick).

Transfer the batter from the mixing bowl to the loaf pan.

Bake for 45-60 minutes (depending on your oven) until a cake tester inserted in the center comes out clean.

Turn out bread from loaf pan onto a wire rack.

Let bread cool on wire rack for several hours before slicing.

Why I Go to the Gym (Part 1)

Yeah...so, June 2011 (flashback, cue the fog and dreamy music).

My weight was at an all time high (no, I will NOT mention it, TYVM), my back and knees were killing me, I was constantly using a heating pad on my back, I had difficulty getting upstairs in my house/elsewhere.

A new gym opened in my ‘hood 02/11.  They sent me a card for a complimentary tour.  I went to an open house and the owner himself took me around and introduced me to the personal training staff (I expressed an interest in that, since all those machines and weights and and and were just intimidating).  I signed a contract that day for 3x/week training.  WTF did I get myself into?  I had never done anything like this in my life!

6/7/11 was my first session.  Weight and measurements and BMI were taken (no, I will NOT mention them, TYVM).  2 minutes on the treadmill at zero incline at 1.0 speed for 2 minutes – THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE, PEOPLE!  3 pound smartbells were heavy as lead in my hands.  And those machines – OMFG!  1/2 hour of torture!  Again, WTF did I get myself into?

It helped that my trainer was 20 years old, studying exercise/physical therapy/kinesiology in college.  AND OMFG HAWT LOOKING (read: hairy bear type, although he is str8).

And it helped that I saw other people in the gym WHO LOOKED JUST LIKE ME!  This was no “skinny white people only” place; everyone was welcomed with the same kindness.  VERY important in my book!

Cripes, I could not MOVE the next day.  Every muscle/body part ached like a mofo, like I had been kicked by a mule.  The only one who knew why I was sore was spouse.  I told no one what I was doing because (1) I didn’t know whether I would drop out quickly and (2) I didn’t wanna be nagged (how’s it going?  are you still exercising?  etc.).  And spouse knows better to NOT nag me (wink wink nudge nudge).

6/9/11 was session #2.  I told hawt trainer that I hated him because he made me ouchie all over.  His response was, “Good, my evil plan is working, bwhahahahaha!”  I told him to fuck off; he pushed me to the treadmill.

(Fast forward to the present, drop the fog and dreamy music).

So today.  I actually look forward to my Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday gym time.  I signed up for another year.  I have a different trainer for each day; hawt trainer was promoted within the company, but I still get to see him.  My 3 trainers believe in me.  And I believe in myself.

I can lift heavier weights because I am stronger and more flexible.  135 pounds on the back extension machine is nothing; 50 pound standing ab crunches is routine.

And now I have an even more important reason to visit the gym.

(to be continued)

Friday, August 10, 2012

She's On A Music Kick!

Please tell me your fave answers to these questions. Things like this make me curious about other people, cause knowledge = power.



1 - What was the first song you ever bought? - get off of my cloud, rolling stones (I still have the 45)

2 - What song always gets you dancing? - wake me up before you go go, wham

3 - What song takes you back to your childhood? - 8 days a week, beatles

4 - What is your perfect love song? - can't fight this feeling anymore, reo speedwagon (dedicated to someone very special)

5 - What song would you want at your funeral? - I won't back down, tom petty

6 - Time for the encore. One last song that makes you, you. - born to be wild, steppenwolf (FUCK YEAH!)

ETA - dammit dammit dammit, I made a mistake on #4; now fixed courtesy of spouse.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Thursday Night Dance Party!

Went to the gym tonight; worked abs and shoulders; someday I want my upper body to be tight like this.  But with bigger bewbs (I AM a girl, after all!)

This is how I am feeling right now.

Dance like no one's watching.

Sing like no one's listening.

"I'm Too Sexy"- damn str8 (or gay)!

Monday, August 6, 2012

Monday Sux Dance Party!

This is how I am feeling right now.

Dance like no one's watching.

Sing like no one's listening.

"This Time I Know It's For Real"

I Promised You More Bullshit...

100 things about me

1.                  I am a true Virgo: perfectionist, detail oriented, loyal, and intelligent.

2.                  I was born and raised Philadelphian, and am damn proud of it.

3.                  I went to catholic schools for 16 years; talk about being screwed up for life!

4.                  I have one younger sister; no brothers.

5.                  I have 2 college degrees, and have never used either of them on a job.

6.                  I never watch tv; rots the mind.

7.                  I like to read REAL (not electronic) books; I try to read at least 10 per year.  And no trash – travel, (auto) biography, history, knitting.

8.                  I like to listen to music – all types except (c)rap and religious.

9.                  I haven’t been on an airplane since 1990.

10.              I like my current job.

11.              I lived in washington dc for 20 years, where I wrote computer manuals for the federal guv’mint.

12.              Baseball is my favorite sport; I listen to all the Phillies games on the radio.

13.              I founded and run my own knitting group; we meet monthly.

14.              This is harder than it looks.

15.              My favorite colors are in the red/pink/purple family.

16.              I received professional psychotherapy twice; it really helped me.

17.              The person that had the most influence on my life was my maternal grandmother.

18.              I have a chemical allergy; I cannot be around flowers that smell, or common cleaners like Windex, or perfume.

19.              I like Chinese, Italian, Thai, Mexican, Indian food.

20.              I also like seafood and good NC BBQ.

21.              I adore chocolate (just like any woman).

22.              I have never had a child/been pregnant.

23.              I have allergies; I carry a box of tissues around all year.

24.              I had my first boyfriend at age 19.

25.              I married my first husband in 1982; I was 27 and stupid.

26.              I divorced him in 1991; he lives in Oregon now.

27.              I married my second husband in 1992; I was 38 and still stupid.

28.              I have only had one true love in my life.

29.              My true love died in 2002.

30.              I can be a comedian, a sarcastic bitch, a caring person (but not all at the same time).

31.              I know that my IQ is over 130.

32.              Consequently, most people cannot keep up with me.

33.              I hate routine; doing the same thing over and over again bores the piss out of me.

34.              Sometimes I like living life on the fly – no plans, no goals.

35.              I have never had a long-term friendship with anyone.

36.              My favorite painter is Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec.

37.              I am not a technogeek.

38.              I have no use for flat-screen tvs, ipods, blackberries, etc.

39.              I do not bring my job home with me.

40.              I do not hang out with my co-workers after hours.

41.              I am a minimalist; I do not let possessions define me.

42.              I do not like extreme cold or extreme heat; my ideal climate is 70 degrees with low humidity all year round.

43.              I am claustrophobic.

44.              I have a fear of heights.

45.              I have a fear of water.

46.              Damn, this isn’t getting any easier.

47.              At a function where I know no one, I tend to stay on the perimeter, listening to conversations and people watching.

48.              I hate shopping malls.

49.              I hate makeup.

50.              I hate shoes, furs, jewelry, and idle gossip.

51.              I am not a typical woman!

52.              My favorite pizza is Hawaiian style (pineapple, ham, bacon, and extra cheese).

53.              I try to avoid going to a doctor unless I have to.

54.              I am a 23 year cancer survivor.

55.              Not everyone gets a second chance at life; I am lucky indeed.

56.              I intend to live to 100; my relatives lived into their 90s, so I have a good shot!

57.              I tend to watch comedy movies; some I have watched so many times that I can quote lines freely!

58.              My favorite tv show of all time is “Mystery Science Theater 3000”.

59.              My favorite comedy team of all time is “The Three Stooges”.

60.              I like to listen to the birds sing.

61.              Silence is a wonderful sound!

62.              I know I have a tendency to be selfish.

63.              My favorite cheese is Swiss.

64.              I can bake from scratch (cakes, brownies, corn bread).

65.              I like making my own bread with my breadmaker.

66.              Cleaning the bathroom is my most hated chore.

67.              I have 2 cats; they are my sanity lifeline.

68.              I do not suffer fools gladly; I wish they would die!

69.              I don’t give a damn about what the celebrity-of-the-moment is doing.

70.              I have blue-gray eyes.

71.              I wear glasses when I drive my car.

72.              I have been using hair dye since I was in my 20s.

73.              I am through with menopause.

74.              It was hell while it lasted.

75.              Can I go home when I finish this list?

76.              My thought patterns sometimes remind me of Robin Williams – free association, say what pops into the head at that moment.

77.              I have quit several jobs after only 3 weeks; I knew they weren’t a good fit for me.

78.              I have a friend do my taxes every year.

79.              I do not like being around sick people.

80.              I would love to have dinner and conversation with Eleanor Roosevelt.

81.              Fantasy baseball for me is having Chase Utley and Cole Hamels in my bed at the same time.  They bring the bats and balls, and I...

82.              I try to take at least one train trip a year.

83.              My current favorite vacation place is the Hudson River Valley in New York State.

84.              I would like to visit Aruba sometime.

85.              I would like to visit Bermuda sometime.

86.              When I was 15, I went to Europe with my high school.

87.              Switzerland is a beautiful country.

88.              And their chocolate is fabulous (see Toblerone or Lindt)!

89.              I can’t believe I am almost finished!

90.              I cannot be without sunshine for more than 2 days.

91.              Winter is a depressing time of year.

92.              I hate the winter holiday season.

93.              Most times I like being by myself with the cats for company.

94.              I live in a single-family house; this house has a sunporch; I like to knit and listen to the baseball game on this porch whilst the cats sleep in the sun patches.

95.              I like to sing in my car whilst I drive.

96.              My heritage is British (father’s side), Czech and Austrian (mother’s side).

97.              I consider Chicago my second home.

98.              I yell at the radio when I listen to the ball game.

99.              My favorite tree is a Japanese red maple.

100.          Summer fruits (topped with vanilla yogurt) make a wonderful salad.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Just Who IS This Upstart Blogger Anyway?

Well, the only way youse guys are gonna get to know me is for me to put out (heh heh heh, I said "put out") some details.

Hopefully your heads won't assplode. ;-)

7 Things That Scare Me
1. heights
2. airplanes
3. religion
4. water
5. guns
6. neoconservatives
7. dentists

7 Things I Like
1. chocolate
2. music
3. cats
4. trains
5. baseball
6. books
7. knitting

7 Things I Despise
1. xenophobia
2. homophobia
3. crass consumerism
4. hunger
5. poverty
6. war
7. jingoism

7 Things In My Room
1. desk
2. books
3. lamp
4. night table
5. bed (duh)
6. fan
7. bookcase

7 Things About Me
1. I am a 23 year cancer survivor
2. I have led my own knitting group for 7 years
3. I am a true Virgo: perfectionist, detail oriented, loyal, intelligent
4. I was born and raised Philadelphian, and am damn proud of it
5. I went to catholic schools for 16 years; talk about being screwed up for life
6. I have 2 college degrees, and have never used either of them on a job
7. I never watch tv; rots the mind

7 Things To Do Before I Die
1. make it to age 100
2. visit the 10 states I have yet to visit
3. take the train from toronto to vancouver canada
4. design a knitted item and sell the design to others
5. meet some interesting blogger friends
6. be debt free
7. do more train travel

7 Things I Can Do
1. knit
2. read
3. do my job well
4. be a good cat mommy
5. bake a cake
6. lead my knitting group
7. listen to others

7 Things I Can’t Do
1. fix anything
2. cook a gourmet meal
3. forget past wrongs done to me
4. dance well
5. stay asleep for more than 4 hours a stretch
6. drive a stick-shift car
7. make friends easily

7 Favorite Movies
1. blazing saddles
2. gone with the wind
3. groundhog day
4. harold and maude
5. send me no flowers
6. an american in paris
7. moulin rouge (the original)

7 Things I Say Often
1. fuck
2. shit
3. dammit dammit dammit
4. fuckin’ a!
5. damn str8 (or gay)
6. fer sure
7. far out

Watch this space for more bullshit! (sings "I gotta be me")

Saturday, August 4, 2012

REAL Pound Cake

I made this for sean and jeffrey 3 weeks ago; youse guys may like it also!

1 stick real butter
1 cup real sugar
3 real eggs
1 tablespoon real vanilla extract
1.5 cups all purpose flour
4 oz. milk

Soften butter in the microwave (about 30 seconds).

Dump all the ingredients into a bowl and mix well (with a mixer or by hand).

Grease a 9 x 5 loaf pan; pour cake batter into pan.

Place pan into COLD oven; oven MUST be cold or the cake WILL FAIL!

Set oven temperature to 325 degrees and bake cake for 1 hour, or until cake tester comes out clean (your oven, your mileage may vary).

Remove cake from pan whilst still warm.


(PS - you CAN use imitation ingredients, but WHY on earth would you?  Keepin' it REAL here, yo!)

Hello...Hello...Is Anyone Out There?

Good Morning Vietnam!

Oh, wait, that's a movie...and I am grounded in reality.

"We're waiting for the chirp, chirp, chirp
Of a blogger being born!
We're waiting for the chirp, chirp, chirp
On this humid Saturday morn!"  (1776, paraphrased)

So many of you have requested that I start my own blog.  Well, HERE I AM!  The cat is outta da bag!

And I have all of you to thank (in no particular order):



















Smooches and hugs and love to ALL of you!

Thought for the day: Let's make a donation to a gay-rights group in the name of the evil Dan Cathy.  He won't be able to do anything about it either!  Bwhahahahahaha!

Don't know how often I will post; whenever the mood strikes me, like my blog comments.

I wonder what's around the next bend?

ETA: I just donated $25 to Kelly's Fan Free Clinic in Dan Cathy's name; conquering h8 with love!